How a stay at home mom can kick those negative nelly joy stealing emotions
Does this sound like you?
You struggle to get daily tasks done, you’ve let certain areas of the house pile up, you feel blah and can’t seem to figure out what the heck to do to fix it. Or maybe you are a new stay-at-home mom and trying to navigate this new territory of staying home.
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Then you will find my quick-start guide helpful in getting your home tidy, in addition to the motivational tips below.
The isolation, the loneliness, the lack of adult interaction can play mind games on any sane mom.
I have had my mom moments. The full-on frustration, irritability, yelling at the kids, lack of motivation, the guilt of feeling unaccomplished or feeling so over the mundane same routine. The mom guilt days running through my head.
6 ways to kick those negative nelly joy stealing emotions and crippling thoughts of who am I to the curve.
1. Remember your why
What’s your why? Why did you choose to become a stay-at-home mom? Was it financial reasons? Was it to be home for your kid(s), was it to home school, was it always a dream of yours?
You chose to take the journey of staying home and raising your kids full-time. You chose in the best interest of your family.
When you feel discouraged, remembering that reason will help you get centered again.
For some, the ultimate sacrifice to leave your career to be a stay-at-home was not an easy choice.
The opportunity to spend quality time with your kids while they are young is priceless. Think back and remember the way you felt, knowing you would miss events while working. Remember the stress of balancing work, home life, covering school days off, and of course, the mom guilt.
Remember that there are seasons of motherhood. Your children are young for such a short time, and your career will and can return. But their youth is limited. Time is something you can never get back.
Refocus on your WHY and see the vision you once saw again.
2. Stop comparing your stay at home life
You may often have the insecure thought that other stay-at-home moms are doing a better job than you are.
Maybe you think their home is cleaner than yours; they make better meals, are more organized, parent better than you, and the list goes on.
First off, stop those negative thoughts and comparing yourself to other people. Everyone’s lives are different. Everyone has different goals and different priorities. Even different visions for their view of success.
Secondly, you have the power to change your life today. Suppose there are areas you want to be better at. All small actions can help create the change you so desire.
Get down to what means most to you. Not what you see on Instagram.
As a stay-at-home mom, I wish I was better at meal planning, but in the very same respect, there are moms in my group who wish they had the cleaning drive I have.
Instead, find ways to learn from other moms on how to improve your weaknesses. Share your strengths with others and create a community of support.
Remove the self-doubt of lack thereof and empower yourself and others. So you can stop stealing joy from your own life.
3. Find your Mom Village
This tip could easily be considered a top priority as a stay-at-home mom. The isolation can be crippling to many.
That is why you must find your mom’s village. I go through a few ideas on finding your mom village and how to connect with moms in your area in the post highlighted above.
When you become a stay-at-home mom, many areas in your life will change. This will include your circle of friends.
As your life goes in a different direction and moves through the years of motherhood. You will find that colleges or people you saw every day before kids will fade.
And so the segregation begins, you aren’t connected like you once were, and the topics on your mind probably will be much different than the ones your old friends have on theirs.
So this begins the stages of isolation. This is why finding a mom tribe in your area and people you can bond with is so important.
You will need adult interaction; you will need social interaction for your child(ren). It’s important to their development. It’s necessary for your sanity.
You will need support, a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, and someone to call on for help.
4. Get out of the house
Staying active is great for you, your kids and a great way to find motivation as a stay-at-home mom. Looking forward to an outing or a new place is exciting.
I love to explore the outdoors. We love museums, exploring nature centers, new playgrounds, going to malls, the library, playdates, and so many other things.
Getting out of the house can be challenging, no doubt when you have kids in tow. But don’t let that stop you.
The benefits of getting out to outweigh the frustration of staying in with kids who have tons of energy.
If you happen to be a Chicago mom reading this, follow along with my Instagram and check out the cool places I like to take my kids.
You may also find it helpful to read my post on how to save money to take your kids to cool places as well as how to find things to do.
5. Create a schedule
Whether you are new to being a stay-at-home mom or have been at it a while, you must create a schedule.
Having a schedule helps to keep you on task, creates a routine, helps navigate unaccomplished feelings.
For me, after leaving the workforce, I found this freeing feeling of less stress and freedom. That was short-lived. Then I had these grand ideas of what I was gonna do.
Oh, how I envisioned all the great organizing and things I would get done. I enjoyed my first year as a stay-at-home mom, but quickly I realized I needed a schedule.
As a career mom, I was bound to my daily schedule and ran to and from work. Our schedule was driven by work and school for my oldest.
When you become a stay-at-home mom, you are the creator of your time.
It’s funny because I remember another stay-at-home mom asking me, what do you do all day.
I quickly thought to myself in my head. More like what don’t I do all day. At the end of each day, I always feel unaccomplished for some things.
Yet when I was a working mom, my limited time created this cut-off time, so there were no feelings of unaccomplished work. It was just it will have to wait until tomorrow, kind of feeling.
Being a stay-at-home mom, I am busier creating our home/homemaking than when I worked full-time.
Strange, isn’t that. The house gets dirty faster with kids at home. I am cooking 3 meals a day plus 2 snacks a day, which means 3 loads of dishes. The home is lived in more and used daily vs. working and leaving each day. You get the picture.
So dear mama friend, get yourself a schedule. Plan your chores, shopping, outings, playdates,self-care, etc. If you need ideas for a cleaning schedule, you can check mine out here.
6. Stay motivated with personal goals
Goal setting can create wonders and help you thrive as a stay-at-home mom. Those negative nelly thoughts of “Am I just a mom” go right out the window.
I want to tell you this from the bottom of my heart and from mother to mother. YOU ARE MORE THAN JUST A MOM.
Motherhood is just one role you play as a woman, and you must have personal goals for yourself.
You NEED to let me explain why.
Many may think, well, I am a stay-at-home mom, so I choose to be that is all I have. Let me be the first to tell you unless your ultimate dream was to grow up, get married, and have kids; you may be sure you reached your goal.
But if you are reading this blog, this is more than likely not the case since this blog, and my goal is to support career-driven women who became stay-at-home moms.
Typically people like me and you are ambitious, and we have a burning desire to create or do something. We need this outlet or a sense of accomplishment. So you will find that often stay-at-home moms like us sometimes morph into work-at-home moms and entrepreneurs.
Goals are healthy. They keep your “person” alive. You are a person and have dreams, goals, aspirations to accomplish things. Those don’t go out the window just because you chose to stay home.
Yes, your primary goal is to be home with your kids and raise them. Yes, you are a homemaker, and it is very involved. But you are still an individual. You had an identity before kids. You have certain things you wanted before kids.
If you snuff that woman enough, she will feel lost, depressed, unhappy, and have a never-ending longing feeling for more.
While I can’t tell you what goals to create because that is what is in your heart, I can tell you that setting S.M.A.R.T goals is always the way to go.
For me, I wanted to do something helpful and create a business. I knew long ago I enjoyed being home with my kids so much that I have no desire to return to the workforce. I wanted to be my own boss.
When my two younger children enter into school-age years, I wanted something I could work at. So creating my business for me was my option. Chose a route you will love. Find a remote job from home that allows you the freedom of a flexible schedule.
There is nothing like the boost of confidence and motivation when you reach personal goals.
Depending on your situation, maybe your goal is to return to work. You can take courses, change career paths, start a business. The choices are limitless.
One of the bonuses I believe at becoming a stay-at-home mom is the opportunity to learn something new or follow a passion of yours. It is such a blessing.
More inspiration for you
I love quotes or things to keep my mindset focused. Below are a few things I think are so pretty and make me happy.
I have random quotes throughout my house that help me stay motivated and sometimes make me smile. They uplift my mood and are great reminders throughout the day.
Being a stay-at-home mom has its ups and downs and after 5 years I can say the hard days will come and go. But it is the most rewarding thing. I missed out on my oldest daughter’s time when I was a single mom. Now being a stay-at-home mom I have the opportunity with my last two.
Remember to take breaks as a stay-at-home mom. Remember to recharge.
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