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3 Responses to give people who don’t understand you choosing to be a SAHM

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When choosing to become a stay at home mom many people have questions or may even question your choice. I will share with you 3 responses to give people who don’t understand you choosing to be a SAHM. Easy ways to explain and justify your choice to be home.

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Raising children has a long history of many opinions and contradictions. Being a mother is of full though of societal upsets.  Choosing to be a stay at home mom (if you have the option) vs working is by far one of the battles many women face.

This never-ending war of who is the better mother and the choices she makes can be exhausting.  The pressures and lack of support of motherhood though is the real problem.


I have been a single working mom for years, then a working married mom for years. And now have spent the past 5+ years as a stay at home mom.

I have discovered that all moms deal with the ever so heart-wrenching mom guilt.  Many moms experience push back for their choices and lack of understanding.

Many mothers experience frustration, feel alone, and insecure about their choices. Some wonder if the path of motherhood they have chosen is right.

My belief is that as parents we do what is best for our families and our circumstances. Thus if staying home is the choice you make for the greater good of your kids and family. There should be no one who can speak otherwise.

RELATED: A mom interview: encouraging you to do what is best for your family

I will share with you how I stood my ground in choosing many years later to become a stay at home mom.  What is the secret of being strong when people say “stay at home moms are lazy” or “you are throwing your career away”. 

How to navigate the waters when family members disapprove of your choice and why your career isn’t over.

This blog supports career women who chose to stay home. But the real issue is that in the U.S. woman need more time with their children.  12 weeks of job protection isn’t enough and society’s views on mothers are way off.

Oh and let’s not forget the whomping second mortgage payment also known as childcare.

So let’s get back to standing your ground.  First, it isn’t anyone’s business the choice you make as a mother.  Let’s be honest your life is your own, you are the best mother to your children because YOU are their mother.  Regardless of the choice you make.

Let me say that again YOU ARE AN AWESOME mom!  

Remember it isn’t your job to explain why you make the choices you do.  But when the occasion arises which it will. Here are some responses that you could use.

  • In the best interest of my family, we have together chosen for me to take a long-term leave of absence from work.
  • We have chosen for my main focus to be on raising our children at this time. Our family’s collective quality of life would suffer with both of us working outside the home.
  • After evaluating our family budget we have decided to live off of one income, with only one parent working outside the home on a full time basis. This will not be easy, but by doing this we do not have to pay full time day care costs and we can ahieve our desired family balance and dynamic.  

Staying strong

Staying strong in your decision is your mindset and outlook during it all.  Your mindset will set you on a path of disliking your choice if you allow it. Also, toxic thoughts that your personal goals will never see the light of day again.

As parents, you do what is best for your children and family.  That choice may not be popular but the choice is about your lifestyle, morals, and values.

When you decided to stay home that is a goal. But that doesn’t mean you can’t have a further goal past that. For example, I will stay home until the kids go to kindergarten. I will go back to school while I am home. I will start to learn how to start my own business these are all possibilities if that is what you desire.

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You also can choose your vision of what staying home looks like.

That’s the best part of being home. You are the creator of your time (minus what the kids demand) lol. But in truth, it’s not easy and you are being pulled in many directions. But you are in control of your time.

RELATED: Thriving and staying sane as a stay at home mom

No punching in, mandatory meetings or work trips. You schedule your life how you see fit. My suggestion is to make use of the time in a resourceful way.

Choosing your family over your career

Choosing your family over your career is a sacrifice. But there is no rule book out there that says you can never get back in the game.

RELATED: Motherhood the mental battle and identity crisis for a stay at home mom

There are plenty of companies that are making great strides to recognize this. If you so desire to want to return back into your career after a certain time. Things like return-ships are available.

You can read more about these here.

Another thing to think about mama is that staying home can mean many things. There are flexible jobs out there. More than even organizations are recognizing the need to offer these opportunities.

Check out this post here that I wrote:

RELATED: Flexibility in the workplace and why it’s a second chance for moms

If you are thinking about maybe working from home in a different manner then your career one of the books that helped me was this one.

They are only young once

In the end mama, your children are young for so little time. They need a lot from you and the older they get the less and less those needs become. At least on a daily basis.

Their needs change believe me having 16 years between my oldest and youngest of 3. They still need you all through their life. Yet, the precious moments when they are young, their first words and steps. Being there for all those moments are worth more than anything in the world.

Being able to be home with my kids when they are sick and not having the stress of trying to balance work and worry. Is another great benefit.

For me, my choice to stay home brings joy and warmth to my heart. I will live the rest of my days with fond memories of my kids, even the moments they drive me nuts.

But I am so glad I made the choice and I hope this inspires you and helps you.


Wednesday 30th of June 2021

I really needed this today. I was all for being a SAHM a month ago and told my job, but they asked me if I’d stick it out until they found a replacement. That was a month ago. I’ve been working from home with my 6 mo old with no help, and I’ve been questioning my decision since I’ve been making it work. My job is practically begging me to stay, however, I’m still not with my daughter. I can’t take her outside or go places with her because I’m still working. When she wants me, I get annoyed and that makes me feel terrible. I wouldn’t feel like this if I wasn’t working ( well not all the time haha). A colleague implied I wasn’t doing what’s best for my family if I stay at home. Thank you for this. I feel center again in my decision. I want to raise my child and that is what’s best for my family.

Lisa Van Groningen

Friday 2nd of July 2021

Chelsa, I am so happy to hear that you found my post and it help you. It's not easy making life choices with our littles. But at the end of the day, that's the blessing. At the end of the day, what is best for your family may not be for another's, and that is ok. We get to choose to raise and be with our family based on our values and morals. I am happy to hear that you found comfort in the post. Reach out anytime if you need anything. And know that you are not alone!! You got this!!