My husband and I decided shortly after marriage that we would forgo exchanging gifts during Christmas. For many people, this would be a huge deal.
Some people measure their marital success, love, and happiness on those gifts. For us, though, this is not the case.
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Forgoing gifts was one of the best decisions we made.
We have an appreciation for the bigger picture and work hard to paint that picture.
Sharing a vision
My husband and I fell in love very quickly and were engaged after about a year of dating—we got married six months after that. It was because we both had clear visions of what we wanted out of life.
After marriage, we knew we wanted more children, to travel the world, and to have more experiences in life.
We both had come from horrible past relationships. So we also knew what we did NOT want to experience again.
Thus, wanting to spend our lives together became a very easy choice for us. Our big dreams and goals were not wrapped in boxes with shiny paper or a perfect bow.
We’ve always been in sync like this, and it applies to our attitude towards exchanging gifts with each other in that simply adding another item – another possession – to our home would not bring the joy we wanted to achieve together.
Saving for more oversized ticket items
Within our first 5 years of marriage, we made some huge purchases. Forgoing gifts helped with that.
We bought a brand new car off the lot, purchased a home, and traveled to places like China, Panama, and the Dominican Republic.
This was our vision. We wanted to raise a family in our own home and explore traveling with our kids.
During these 5 years, I even took the gift-giving further.
We don’t make Valentine’s Day really big; we celebrate the sweetest day or other days similar to that.
I can vividly remember telling my husband, the year before we bought our house, that buying me roses or flowers on Valentine’s Day was not necessary.
Sure, every girl loves receiving huge flowers—I included. But to be honest, I have a huge problem with the fact that roses can cost anywhere from $50 to $150 —or more! All for flowers that have a short life and bring short-lived happiness.
It just doesn’t seem right to me.
Instead, though, I told him, “Let’s go to a house where I can have roses all the time.” And so we did. I have three rose bushes in my house, along with many other flowers that bloom every season.
Now, if my husband does buy me flowers, which he still does occasionally, it comes as a complete surprise, and the good feeling of appreciation is so much more than the expectation of the glorified hallmark holiday.
Update: 2024. After 15 years together, we moved on to even larger purchases and still forgo all gift exchanges year-round. After 12 years, we decided to work on the goal of purchasing a vacation lake home. We achieved that goal, and the following year, we saved for a boat. Our oldest child is no longer with us, and we only have the two young ones at home now, but time is flying by.
The gift of time
The gift of time now with my husband looks very different than it did before we had three kids.
We are constantly on the go with the kids, and our youngest is under the age of 2.
Not to mention, my husband travels for work as well.
This is why, on our fifth anniversary, we decided to take a couple’s trip to Disney—something I highly recommend!
We left our two older ones at the time and spent a week at Disney, driving to the ocean and Cape Canaveral. Having the freedom to spend quality time and experience things means so much more to us.
Getting undivided attention, love, affection, and time with my husband means more to me than any regular gift could.
I can’t even begin to explain how much more his words of appreciation mean to me. For example, he thanks me for making dinner every night and teaches our kids to do the same.
This goes far beyond opening 5 gifts for Christmas from him.
During the holidays my husband saves a huge chunk of his vacation time to be home with the kids and I. We do all sorts of activities and he gets quality time with the kids.
Just because gifts
My husband and I have forgone traditional gift-giving for almost 8 years now. We will most likely continue the tradition. Our main gift-giving is for the kids.
We also enjoy seeing our kids happy, showing them the world, and teaching them more about what’s beyond our backyard.
Throughout the year, though, we give each other random gifts, which I would much rather have.
The surprise of the gift makes the gift more thoughtful and meaningful. I call them “just because” gifts.
For example, I came across a football jersey for my husband that I knew he would love. He is a huge sports fan, and even though he never spends money on himself, I knew he wanted a new one.
It was a player he loved, and I knew he would love the jersey and would be so excited to get it.
So I bought it and gave it to him to celebrate the start of training camp for the season.
It’s in these moments that we get to celebrate each other individually.
Mother’s and Father’s Day gifts
You may be wondering about Mother’s Day and Father’s Day gifts. We do exchange those some years, but it’s not an expectation, and often, we choose experiences over traditional gifts that come in a box.
We also take this approach with birthday gifts. When we do wrap up gifts, the tag often comes from “the kids,” but since we still have young ones, we know who really picked it out—haha!
Our dedication to raising our family is a symbol of love.
We chose for me to stay home with our kids. My husband does some unbelievable things as a father.
As busy as he is at work, he FaceTimes us almost every day around noon to eat lunch with the kids. He calls them every chance he gets during work trips. He does the bath routine with me every night and even calls the nights he travels.
To celebrate him and the things he does as a father is so important to me.
No gifts holiday’s tradition
As the years go by, we will likely continue our no gifts for the holiday tradition.
Our family is still young.
Going down to one income plays a role in that, too. We still want to travel, and not even two years ago, we added our third child.
Maybe you have considered giving up traditional gifts for Christmas.
Maybe you are reevaluating gift-giving for monetary reasons.
This approach can open your eyes to something more. I believe our appreciation of each other goes further, and the focus changes.
Not everyone will agree, and that’s OK. Ultimately, I think you should do what fits you best and makes you the happiest.
What do you feel about this approach? Do you and your spouse forgo gifts? If so, what was your reasoning behind it? I love to hear what others do, so feel free to share it in the comments.
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