Why Your Messy Home Might Be Making You Feel Anxious
As a mother, becoming overstimulated by the requests of kids and their needs only gets amplified when your home is doing the same thing to you, from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to bed.
Not able to relax
You try to sit down, but you have to shove toys and clothing out of the way. Immediately, you get irritated. Why, because now you just pile-shifted stuff, but something else happens inside your brain, you start having racing thoughts, and those thoughts put your brain in active mode.
For some, anger and resentment will bubble up because you seem to be the only one managing the mess, or even seeing it. For others, your brain goes into active mode, racing with thoughts about what you should be doing and questioning your abilities as a homemaker.
Open loops
My husband makes fun of my laptop because it has so many tabs open every day.
But honestly, it's because that is actually what is happening in my mom brain. And your home is exactly the same. Open loops are the clean laundry on the floor that has now become a floordrobe, the nagging clutter that is homeless, the running tabs of things that need to be done yet that are not related to the home.
Until you complete the loop it will continue to nag at you.
Lack of automation
Honestly, taking care of our homes is a lot of repetitive work. So finding ways to automate tasks can help take some of the mental load off. Some of the ways I automate things in my home are the following:
- Google Home: verbal notifications of when it is time to leave, when it's time to shower, and reminders of daily activities
- Alexa: Shop for items I ran out of
- Autoshipment of regularly used items like paper towels, toliet paper, and body products.
- Grocery deliver preplanning my weeks if we know we are gonna be busy then I will shop online
- Repeating weekly meals this is such a time saver and mental relief
- Using the delay buttom on my washing machine
- Putting the robot vacuum on a schedule.
Think of automation as anything that can run on auto repeat so you don't have to repeat it.
Invisible labor
It's funny how no one notices the soap dispenser is full all the time, but the minute it runs out, that's when people notice. This is just one example of the invisible labor you are dealing with. The running tabs you have going, we are running out of pantry items, and we need to sign the permission slips. The kids need new clothes, and the dog needs to be seen, etc.
The invisible labor is what causes anxiety because it's the thankless and unacknowledged work that happens each and every day. This is what burns us, moms out, and what makes us spiral into rage sometimes.
The Real Problem: You've Become the System
One of the biggest reasons our homes can leave us feeling overwhelmed is that we unknowingly become the system ourselves.
But let me be the first to tell you it's not your fault. We as moms get lost in motherhood sometimes.
If your family has to ask you where everything is, if you're the only one who knows where things belong, if every task depends on you remembering what needs to be done next, then your home isn't running on systems—it's running on you.
That means your brain is constantly carrying hundreds of little responsibilities. You're remembering appointments, tracking supplies, answering questions, putting things away, and making decisions all day long. Even when you're sitting down, your mind is still working because your home depends on you to keep everything moving.
The goal of organizing isn't to create a picture-perfect house. It's to build systems that work even when you're tired, busy, or not standing in the room. When your home has clear systems, your family can participate, routines become easier to follow, and your brain is finally free from carrying every detail on its own.
YOU DON'T HAVE A CLEANING ROUTINE
There are many different types of cleaning routines and there are no wrong ones. There is only the consistancy of daily cleaning routines, weekly, monthly, quarterly and these should be adpated into your busy life.
This means you account for them when planning your days. For me it has looked like saying no to things because the state of my home can have a direct reflection on how I show up as a mom, wife and inside my business. It also means saying no to the kids. Chores need to be done first before the fun.
Learn More About the Connection Between Your Home and Mental Load
If you've been feeling overwhelmed by the constant demands of your home, you're not alone. While organizing your home isn't a cure for anxiety, creating simple systems and reducing daily friction can help lighten your mental load and make everyday life feel more manageable.
If you enjoyed my blog post, I invite you to watch the replay of my workshop on anxiety and the home. It's like having a few girl friends over for honest conversation.
In this conversation, I team up with a licensed family therapist to explore the connection between your home environment, stress, and anxiety. We share practical home systems that reduce daily friction, she offers professional insights and healthy coping strategies. Together, we provide simple, actionable steps you can start using right away. She really gave some golden nuggets that even made me say hmmmm.
Click to watch the workshop replay.
